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How My Mind Works: A Comic Interlude

The missus has been watching a TV show called The Vampire Diaries recently. I haven’t. But I hear it sometimes in the background. I thought it might be amusing to give you a glimpse of how my mind works, stemming from that: in this case, I started to ponder what would happen if the word ‘diary’ was changed to ‘dairy’ not only in this case, but in any work of fiction.

In most examples, this produces a far more tranquil and perhaps more interesting and well-rounded story.

Here are some examples that occur to me — feel free to add others.

Bridget Jones's Dairy by Helen Fielding: the novel chronicles a year in the life of Bridget Jones, a thirty-something single working woman living in London who writes about her career, self-image, vices, family, friends, romantic relationships and milking cows.

Dairy of a Madman by Nikolai Gogol: a short story about the life of a minor civil servant during the repressive era of Nicholas I, showing the descent of the protagonist, Poprishchin, into running a dairy.

Dairy of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney: the books are filled with hand-written notes and simple drawings of Greg's daily adventures as he sets about milking cows.

The Princess Dairies by Meg Cabot: revolving around Amelia 'Mia' Thermopolis, a teenager in New York who discovers that she is the princess of a small European principality called Genovia, the main export of which turns out to be milk.

The Secret Dairy of Laura Palmer by Jennifer Lynch: is a 1990 spin-off novel from the television series Twin Peaks and features lots of hidden cows.

The Secret Dairy of Adrian Mole, Aged 13¾ by Sue Townsend: the story is set in 1981 and 1982, and in the background it refers to some of the historic world events of the time, such as the Falklands War and the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana as well as the birth of Prince William and several calves.

The Vampire Dairies by L.J. Smith: set in the fictional town of Mystic Falls, Virginia, a town charged with supernatural history since its settlement of migrants from New England in the late 18th century, it follows the life of Elena Gilbert, a teenage girl who has just lost both parents in a car accident, as she falls in love with a 162-year-old vampire named Stefan Salvatore. Their relationship becomes increasingly complicated as Stefan's mysterious older brother Damon Salvatore returns, with a plan to bring back their past love Katherine Pierce, a vampire who looks exactly like Elena, and to open a dairy. Although Damon initially harbors a grudge against his brother for forcing him to become a vampire, he later reconciles with Stefan and falls in love with Elena, and they make a going concern of milking cows.

I know, it’s a one-joke post — but it’s interesting what the imagination can conjure just by switching one letter around in a title.

Have a go yourself.


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